Clarissa’s Story

When I first went into perimenopause in my early 40s, I was a bit like a swan from the outside. You would think I was very much in control, but underneath I was paddling furiously. But I was always on time, working hard. I was planned, helpful and confident, and calm. As my perimenopause progressed, my anxiety rose.

I started to panic in meetings, not knowing when to shut up as if I'd lost all my emotional intelligence—leading to painful encounters with senior managers, who told me bluntly to shut up and how my anxiety made others anxious.

The tipping point was when I had a panic in the office lobby.  I felt pretty panicky when my new boss hadn't spoken to me all week. I wondered what I'd done wrong and whether I would be dismissed from my role, classic cognitive dissonance that accompanies anxiety.  I have no idea what I said when he suddenly came out of the adjacent lift. The words tumbled out, I could barely breathe, and he looked at me and just said, 'did you run up the stairs? Maybe you should take the lift next time' He then turned on his heels.

I cried, and then somewhere in the depths of my mind, a person's name came to me, and I googled her back at my desk, and from that moment on, I began to take steps to manage my anxiety. Mindfulness was my way forward, learning to look at my thoughts, slowing down, and anchoring in the present. While accepting that I am a high-functioning anxiety sufferer for the first time, I don't have to respond that way.

Today as a menopause coach, I understand why anxiety happens, and I've coached and counselled hundreds of women to walk through their menopausal anxiety and find peace. Sadly, they are often dismissed, given antidepressants, and even sent to therapists who tell them they have GAD generalised anxiety. They have a menopause-induced concern, which can come out of nowhere, and of course, when we understand what's going on with this hormonally, is it so surprising that we feel anxious?

We're having a drop in progesterone which is a buffer against cortisol, so we feel the impacts of stress more acutely. Plus, estrogen, a powerful hormone with multiple sites in our brain centres concerned with emotional regulation, fluctuates and declines.

The critical thing to recognise is that you're not alone. You can take steps to help yourself, like slowing down, resting, relaxing, taking a course in mindfulness or meditation, or seeking help from talk therapy with a knowledgeable practitioner.

You can become the mistress of your moods and manage your anxiety by learning to self-regulate.